I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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