no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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