and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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