Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
