remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
