i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
