After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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