is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
