I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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