u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Holy shit dude........stairs
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
