my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
She bit a glass in half.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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