dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Randomize
