Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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