So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
