it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
