I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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