Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
