Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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