with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
