That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
