my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
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If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
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Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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