my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
