i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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