Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
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5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
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My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
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