Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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