I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize