Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize