I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
