I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
