Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
