i permit you to call me
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
