My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
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Semen is not good for contacts.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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