I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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