Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Randomize