i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
