You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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