Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
sex in a hospital.. check
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
