I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
