ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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