I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
She's the barista slut.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
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