Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
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guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
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I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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