We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
nutella sex= disaster
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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