My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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