if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
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I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
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She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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