if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
