so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Actions speak louder than pants.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
