So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
