Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
