Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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