To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
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Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
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what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
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