and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
