I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
