I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
When are your genitals available?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
You don't make any sense
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