She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
