then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
