If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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