This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
