Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
