Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Can Purell be used as lube?
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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