just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
