Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
