good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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