Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
