If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
