forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
