If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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